From the monthly archives:

July 2009

Haitian Connection Bluetooth Douchebag

by Brian on July 31, 2009

caribbean_hotboy-bluetooth1Whenever a new social networking site pops up we’re forced to ask ourselves “what picture should I use for my profile?”

Put up your best front

As soon as he signed up, Tevonte AKA caribbean_hotboy knew exactly what picture would be PERFECT!

50 Cent lookalike?

He though to himself “You know what, I’m going to show this world how important I am.  I’m going to give my best ’50 Cent’ look and maybe close some business deals on my bluetooth at the same time!”

Bravo Tevonte, mission accomplished.  You are by far the coolest mother fucker on Haitian Connection.  When all ‘dem hoes be comin’ ’round your profile page you can bet they’ll be all over your business deal closin’ ass!

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According to HolyTaco.com, the bluetooth douchebag is only number 8 on the list…I think it should be higher.

Here’s the excerpt:

8. Blue Tooth Headset

bluetooth-headset.jpg

WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: All the other losers have to use their hands when they talk on the phone. Not you! You can talk on your phone and at the same time safely give some loser the finger because they’re only driving the speed limit. It’s Tuesday, doesn’t this asshole know you have your jujitsu class at 24 hour fitness to go to?

WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: I don’t give a shit if you’re talking to someone on the other end, when you’re in a Subway Sandwiches and they’re trying to take your order while you say “Listen, you give me that paperwork for the Johnson account by tomorrow or it’s your ass. No mayo. I said no Mayo! Yeah, that’s right, Johnson account on my desk! No pepperoncinis!” it’s pretty god damn confusing and asshole-ish to everyone trying to deal with you. Answer your phone when you have time to hold it in your hand. The only people that should be wearing blue tooth wireless headsets are military field generals and the people that work the day after thanksgiving sale at Old Navy.

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Want to look like a douchebag AND have super sonic hearing at the same time?

Couples never talk shit while at parties

Here’s your lucky day, with the Super Sonic XL you can hear people saying nice things about you from all the way across the room.

Girls are nice to each other

If you’re female and want to hear all the compliments coming from other females while on the beach then look no further…they’re not going to talk shit about you and pick you apart, they’re going to compliment you for what an amazing body you have, just ignore them when they wonder out loud where you’re keeping the cell phone in that bikini.

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Discount Tire Bluetooth Douche

by Brian on July 28, 2009

discount_tire_homo

Mr. Important Construction Guy

I’m actually looking at this guy right now as I’m uploading his picture to the world wide interweb.  I’m having my front tires replaced and spotted this one a mile away, he’s Mr. Important Construction Guy!

Where: Discount Tire, AZ

When: 7/28/2009

Who’s he talking to?: He’s talking to the conduit guy, the concrete guy, the sheetrock guy, the electrical guy and even placing an order for Filiberto’s across the street.  He’s doing it all at the same time too because that’s just how construction guys do it!

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Magic Molly’s Brother – Handsfree Homo

by Brian on July 28, 2009

Found this little cutie and her brother doing a random image search for bluetooth online.  I really don’t have a lot of remarks about this one but must say that SHE is an excellent writer, I particularly enjoyed this short story on her blog.  Perhaps she can impart some wisdom to her brother who is obviously not as enlightened as she.

magic_molly_brother_bluetooth

PS. I think he’s wearing a vest…very well might be the lost Jonas Brother.

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